Today I finish my story!
If you are wanting to read Pt. 1...
Tell me a story of life…
A story of life to me, is a story of taking chances. Living life how you want life to be lived. I really dislike YOLO but it is a very true statement. You do only live once so fucking live. Truly live.
I never had a clue what I would be doing in my life. Never really had a direction for a long time. I think it took me a long time to realize that I could make my own decisions and do things the way I wanted to do them. I lived to not offend, or to rock the boat of my upbringing.
I was one person to most and then part of that anytime I was home. It was far easier at the time than being my true self in all scenarios.
That is no way to live life. It does you no good to suppress anything. Being true to yourself will bring the self love you need.
When you almost lose your life, you realize that it is time to be you. That there is no point in not being who you truly are. That is a truly freeing feeling. When you worry less of what people will judge you for, but more on what people will remember you for.
Tell me a story of struggle…
A story of struggle would be my addiction to alcohol. I went from never drinking at 26 to dying at 33.
In this time I struggled with depression, anxiety, and night terrors.
In that struggle, my “struggle” daily was finding enough to drink and enough time to drink and still do my job. I made these struggles for myself, but I struggled through them in the worst way that I could. I memorized every state's liquor licenses so that I knew what time I could buy booze until at a store. I knew what day’s state’s did not sell hard liquor.
I would see what venue we were at and find the closest store to get my booze for the day. Most of the time this was my exercise, walking to the stores or later in the evening the bars.
I thought that alcohol was helping me to become the extrovert that I typically am, or thought I was. But this just added to my struggle with knowing that I was not.
I struggled with alcohol so badly that it took me to the brink of death and the beginning stages of liver failure.
Tell me a story that almost ruined your life…
A story that almost ruined my life is an easy one to remember but a memory that is not so easy. This memory comes in at just over 2.5 years old.
Piggybacked on my last answer, a story that almost ruined is my story of massive alcohol abuse. At my worst I was drinking a handle and a half of rum a day along with the shots of fireball I was doing.
Then going out to bars on top of all of that.
I thought I was enjoying life to the fullest. I truly started out drinking with a fun attitude towards it. Having a good time. Then it got incredibly dark.
One day in August 2018 I flew back to Ohio to see my grandfather before leaving for a tour. I did not realize how bad I looked. When I arrived I was quite a shocking site to my friends and family. I was fully jaundiced. Even into my eyes. I was looking very crazy.
I was told, as much as I fought this, that I needed to go to the hospital.
I went to the hospital where I was told I was the yellowist person that the receptionist had ever seen.
I was also told that I might not make it through the night. After what felt like thousands of tests I was let go. I was then told it was not because I was good, it was because there was nothing that they could do for me and they would check on me until I was good or I was gone.
I HAD to get sober and never drink again.
What would you want the world to know about you…
I want the world to know that when I thought I did not give a fuck about living anymore, then was presented the option to live and truly live or to die, that I chose to live. To live my way.
I want people to know that I care. That I will stand with you and fight alongside you when you are oppressed, when you are depressed.
I will stand against what I believe is wrong, what I see as offensive and ignorant.
That my life is beautiful. That my life has meaning. That my life has power. That I will use that power to spread all the beauty I can in this world.
Connect with me!